So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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