I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I party with great urgency now.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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