Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
