it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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