and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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