I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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