I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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