Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
