So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
