i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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