That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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