Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
