Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
