She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
