Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
All I want is dick and wine.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
