i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
