Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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