There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
