Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Two words: blizzard sex
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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