id be glad to
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
