its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
