..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
