well you can't waste a boner
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
