i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
