toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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