I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
