Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
