The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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