Sry I called you an 8
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
