dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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