At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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