i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
