I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
