That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
