Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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