My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
