Please, let me fuck your mom
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
