I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
