I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
