My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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