I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
