He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
