I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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