i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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