Need sex. Gaining weight.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
