remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
