You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
