Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
