the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
