He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
