New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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