I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
